omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she looked like the before picture.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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