I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
