I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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