I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
