i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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