i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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