The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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