Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We named our party play list daddy issues
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
