Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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