Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
