I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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