Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
