im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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