Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
