i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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