One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
