Soap is not a condiment
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
