We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we're so committed to being not committed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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