shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
