I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize