Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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