Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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