ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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