i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
