is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
