My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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