I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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