The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
a search helicopter?!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
