yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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