my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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