oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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