I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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