I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
