it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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