Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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