Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
