how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
