life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
