well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
