I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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