guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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