I just made out with a guy for $7.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
