I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
