I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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