Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
