; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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