I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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