I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
