I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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