Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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