i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
