just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
