If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize