Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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