Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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