I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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