jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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