i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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