Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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