i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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