My liver just broke up with me...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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