is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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