you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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