Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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