sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
