My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
