speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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