Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
