I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize