turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
