I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
