nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
