I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
