There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize