Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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