belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
