I'm so fucking centered right now
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
