In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
