Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
