Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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