dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
