It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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