I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
