oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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